Brother May I
by Looking4YouAgain
Summary: What happens when Roger's little brother comes to town and only has eyes for Marky? Will a sibling rivalry insue? MarkOMC possible MarkRoger
1. Introduction

-1Authours Note:/ I bring to you yet another Mark/Roger story! I swear one day I'll write a Mimi/Roger story! Oh btw I own nothing. Carry on.

* * *

December 24, 1995.

10:05 eastern standard time.

God. I'm starting to sound like you.

Has my obsession really gone that far? I lean back against the couch with my eyes closed.

Darkness.

It's better than watching the two of you together.

"Aw look baby" Mimi whispers in my ear, I swat her away and continue to look anywhere but _there_. I look down at my guitar and fumble with the tuning pegs; I don't seek much in doing this other than finding a distraction. For some reason Mimi is obsessed with the idea of you and my little brother being some kind of _thing_.

"Rog" Mimi nudged me rather roughly, I glared at her for a second for forcing me to look your way, I don't think she saw me.

I rolled my eyes automatically and looked back to my guitar. Back-stabbing double crossing traitor. I'm obviously referring to my so called brother who is standing behind you with his hands covering your eyes, whispering something that I'm sure is moronic in your ear. It's not fair, that should be me, not Jake, he should have stayed in Detroit. Where he belonged.

"Roger" Mimi squeals my name, grasping my arm, I wanna throw her off the balcony, her constant gushing over You and Jake's apparent sweetness, it's giving me a migraine. "Aren't they cute?"

I glare at her for a second and slap her hand away "Fucking adorable" I mutter and look away once again. I don't care to see the two of you kissing; I like to pretend it doesn't happen, even though I can see Jake with his nasty hands all over your face as he's kissing you, out the corner of my eye. It's disgusting, and I don't mean just the kissing part, because that's pretty sick too, but really? How low can a brother sink?

It's not as if he didn't know that I was in love with you. I know for a fact that he knew. He even once provoked me to go tell you, but I chickened out. It's my own fault, I shouldn't be blaming him. It feels better to blame him though, to hate him for taking you away from me, something that I never had in the first place.

I suppose you were fair game after all. I'm engaged to Mimi, we're supposed to marry next spring. I don't understand why I'm acting like this, you've watched me move on with my life, for all you know, I don't see you _that_ way, I've never seen you that way. You seem to be happy with Jake, and he's happier than I've ever seen, it's something I'm forced to admit. The people I love are both happier than I've seen them in a long time, as much as I don't like it, its true.

"What's your deal tonight Roger?" It was Mimi's turn to glare and punch me in the arm "It's always some shit with you- what is it this time?"

I simply gave her the cold shoulder and acted as if I didn't hear her, which, earned me a slap to my face, I peeled her hand away and stared at her for a moment before answering more politely than I should have, really I should be shouting at her at this point, but I'll keep my cool for once and be a good fiancé. "What?"

She tilts her head over to you and Jake, Jake is smiling and looking down at your entwined hands and kissing the back of it, I take note of the overly shiny silver glistening off your wrist. "Why aren't you happy for him?" She ask softly

I sigh and look away "I _am_ happy for him"

"You don't seem to be" She steals another glance their way and I suppress an eye roll, they aren't that fucking cute. "I haven't seen Mark smile like that since before Angel…" She drifts off and I lift her chin up. I pause for a moment and realize that she's right, Mark was an utter and complete mess after Angel, though you tried your hardest not to show it around people, for some reason, you were different with me. I was one, maybe the only one, that you shed tears in front of.

"I know" I kiss her square on the lips and begin to fiddle with my guitar again. "I truly am…_really_"

"You say it" She started off again, though I wasn't really paying her any attention "but you don't mean it….what are you thinking about?" She finally said after she noticed I had stopped listening to her mindless female gibberish.

"Nothing" I frown

"You were thinking about something" she fires back

"Seriously Meems, nothing" I only half lie. I was watching Jake take you by the hand to his bedroom, kissing your wrists and neck all the while.

I was thinking of how I wish that were me. That I was the one leading you into my bedroom.

"No-one thinks about _nothing_ Roger- fine don't tell me" she pouted and pulled away from me, finally.

"I wasn't planning on it"

She glared for a second, about to say something I'm sure was rude in a thick New York accent that she usually got when she got pissed at something, or rather someone. "Where's Mark and Jake?"

I shrugged and sat my guitar quietly on the floor next to me, pulling Mimi into my arms instead. "Wanna go out somewhere?" I asked with pleading eyes and a deadly smirk I knew she fell prey for every time. She nodded with a smile and I got up, taking her by the hand and leading our way out of the loft. I don't wanna be around when the two of you get vocal, and god knows you can wake up the lot of tent city.


	2. Chapter One

-1Chapter One

(Mark's POV)

I'm stretched out over my so called bed, staring up at the ceiling. It looks to be a cockroach in the corner over there, I think of throwing a shoe at it but look away knowing that it's probably a waste of energy. I turn over on my stomach and press my face into the cool pillow, or should I say, pillow case stuffed with old peculiar smelling clothes. I sigh and push the pillow off the bed, remove my glasses and put a right hand over my forehead.

How did I get here, on the brink of insanity and depression in the matter of four years. My life really has gone down the hill from the time I got out of high school. To think I had these big city dreams, moving to the city and becoming a somebody. It seems that plan took a detour when I fell in love with this heroin addicted, makeup wearing, pretty boy front man they called Roger.

I remember the first day you came into my life. It was at some night club, I forget which one exactly, but I had struck up a conversation with your friend at the time, Collins, over a couple of beers while you played on stage. Afterwards, when your set was finally over, you made your way to the bar where me and Collins sat still drinking, I was introduced. You accepted me whole-heartedly and offered me a place to stay, I couldn't resist those green eyes and that charming smile of yours. It's my own fault.

Never trust a man in leather pants and eyeliner.

We flirted almost everyday, I fell faster by the second, but then you found April, beautiful, amazing, atheistic April. You found your personal drug dealer, and you forgot about me. I never forgot about you though, even when you were in rehab for those two years and I was left alone in a place that was never mine to begin with, I learned to live without you. It made things easier.

What am I doing, dwelling on the past, depressing myself, as if I needed much help doing that. Angel wouldn't have wanted me to carry on this way. She'd want me to live and laugh, smile again. She always teased me about that lop-sided smile of mine I miss it now. Who am I to say what she would want? I can, at the least assume that she'd want me to be happy again, she didn't want any of us to be sad, she had said this, she didn't want us morning her death, especially for almost a year.

What do I do from here, how do I move on, what's the first step? Why am I asking myself these questions that I have no answers for? All this contemplating will get me nowhere, I should be more impulsive, do things without thinking, maybe I'll get some shit done that way, since obviously this whole thinking before I act thing has got me nowhere fast.

I hear heavy boots on the outside of my door, ha, more like thin bed sheet covering the door way. I wonder if you'll knock. I know its you, I could identify the sounds of those old tattered boots coming a block away, it helps that you don't pick your feet up when you wear them.

"Mark?" you ask warily "Can I come in?"

My eyebrows knit together and I wonder why you're asking, as if I would say 'go the fuck away' which I really want to but since those are your lines, not mine, I'll be the always ready to talk about _your_ problems Marky that everyone loves and knows and say sure, come on in buddy.

"Yeah…" My voice sounds tired.

You come in with a hint of a smile on your face and sit down on my bed next to me, I scoot over just a bit so we aren't touching, I don't wanna be touched, you're sitting to close, I wish you'd back away just a little, you smell like green apples and Newport cigarettes, it irritates my nose, but I like the smell, maybe a little too much.

"What is it?" I say, with a hand covering my eyes.

"I just gotta phone call" You say and I'm shocked at the heat that courses through my body when you pull my hand away from my eyes and look down at me.

"This is news?" I ask with a raised eyebrow and pull my hand out of your grip, you sigh and put your hand in your lap, I wonder if I did something wrong.

"Yeah, um it was my brother"

"Brother?"

"Yeah" you chuckle softly "you don't remember?"

"You never told me anything about your family other than your mom being a crazy bitch and your dad being m.i.a " I speak truthfully, you rarely ever spoke a word of your family.

You laugh again and run a hand through your hair.

"Well yeah, I have a brother, he's um coming to the city" you say.

I wanna say 'and I care because?' Its not mean really, I just don't see why this information concerns me. "And do I get to meet this brother of yours?" I'm not interested in meeting him but I'll say so for your sake.

You smile again, I wish you'd stop doing that. "Yeah actually, Jake needs a place to stay for a while so I kinda told him he could stay here for a bit-until he found a place of his own ya know?"

"Yeah, definitely, how old is he?"

"Little brother, he's twenty-three, you guys should get along fine" you smirk

"Why do I feel like I'm being set up on a play-date?"

You hit my knee playfully and get up " I just wanted to give you a heads up" you stand and stretch dramatically, I flip over on my stomach and close my eyes, no longer wanting to be bothered. "He'll be here tonight, Collins and I were gonna take him to the life tonight-after he got here…you should uh-you should come"

Damnit, I thought you would get the signal to leave once I closed my eyes but you're still lingering by my makeshift door. "Sure Rog" I say with closed eyes and no hope in my voice.

"Good" I can't see but I know your smiling, my heart skips a beat but I ignore it, must be indigestion or something. With those thoughts, I fall into a dreamless sleep.

The night seems to come quicker than usual and I'm still in my current spot, I don't feel like moving, but I feel someone's presence in the room, I open my eyes slowly and there's a big dark figure standing above me, I reach behind me for my glasses and quickly put them on. It's Collins. He has a sad smile on his face as he pulls me up on my feet.

I'm not happy about this, I wasn't planning on leaving this spot anytime soon, and here Collins has put my directly on my feet in a matter of three seconds. I glare at him the best I can and mumble hi before falling back on the bed. I'm happier when I'm asleep. I don't have to face my realities.

But once again, Collins pulls me up on my feet and laughs softly. "Roger told me you were coming with us tonight." he says slowly, like I'm an unstable alcoholic about to go to a bar.

"Yeah I'm coming to tonight" I get defensive. "Sorry…I just-"

"I know" he knows what I'm trying to say, I'm thankful. "Its alright-um Roger's bro is out there so ya know make a good impression" he smiles

"What is this guy, the second-coming? Anymore ACT prep on this guy?" I sound a bit annoyed but playful at the same time, it's weird coming from me.

"Yeah" he laughs " he's a bit on the *whistles* side"

I frown "Is that a *whittles* crazy or a *whittles* gay?"

He laughs again and slaps me on the back "*whiles* as in both"

I roll my eyes "I'll be on my best behavior" as if I would be anything but

I comb my fingers through my hair a couple times in the hallway mirror and question as to why we even have a mirror here in the first place, oh yeah, I forgot Roger ocd's over his reflection every ten minutes.

I walk out and see Roger but I also see his brother, about my height, just a smidge taller, did I really just use the word smidge, I'm sure I'm turning red by the internal slang I just used, what the hell, slang? Smidge isn't gangster, oh god, I'm arguing with myself. His brother is probably thinking I'm blushing over him, fuck, I should have stayed in bed, damn Collins.

Collins slaps the back of my head a few times and I frown up at him, he laughs and suggests that I was having a brain fart. I shouldn't be out in public, I can't even get my thoughts correct, let alone communicate.

I'm a bit taken aback when Roger's brother all but runs to me and extends a hand "Hi" he has a dazzling smile. I take his hand and shake it once or twice before letting go "I'm Jake, you can call me J-Dawg" he smiles again.

"Jay-Dawg..?" I wonder and he cracks another smile. What's with people tonight?

"Just kidding" he laughs "Always wanted to do that" he points both thumbs to himself, clicks his tongue and says "That's my street name" and he's dead serious. No joke about it.

I stare at him in a daze with raised eyebrows. I give a tiny smile and back away slowly. He smiles again "You're Mark" he nods "As cute as I thought- You'll be joining us tonight at the life won't you?"

He went from crazy to normal in ten seconds flat. I nod and smile, a genuine smile that even surprises me "Yeah, um…yeah" I smile again, I think all this smiling is contagious. I blame Collins.

"Cool" he nods and takes a step towards me, I'm forgetting how to breathe here, I wish he would stop looking at me like that. I can't remember the last time someone stared at me with the look Jake has in his eyes right now, its refreshing.

He's astonishing really. Light green eyes lined in dark eye makeup, shaggy unkempt light black hair, his plaid orange button-down shirt, denim skin tight jeans, and jubilant smile makes my heart thump. It feels as if life has been breathed back into me, I feel like I'm living again. I look down and smile again. Jake could possibly be an impulsive first step.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

(Roger's POV)

* * *

"How're things…back home?"

Jake stares at me for a second with cut eyes "Peachy-Keen."

He sighs and downs his coffee, which you had made for the five of us shortly after dinner at the life; you had said your goodnights about fifteen minutes ago. I wanted so much to follow you and ask how you were feeling. After all it was your first real night out in a while, and you seemed like you actually had fun. It made me feel better knowing that you were making progress, it was kind of second nature to care about you.

Now. Me and my brother sat in the darkness that consumed the loft. I was leaning against the dingy white refrigerator and Jake was sitting on top of the counter with his coffee mug in his lap. There were a lot of things unsaid between us. Most from our childhood. Some from when I finally left. Something I shouldn't have done. I knew I should have stayed with Jacob. Me and my selfishness. It never seems to end.

"What's the situation down there….its been I while since I um visited" I let my words come out softly, knowing this conversation could go bad quickly.

"Uh…Mom and Rick still live in the Valley apartments…I'm staying with Dad though, he has his own house now with his boyfriend…um you remember Antonio don't you?"

I nod quietly. Having forgot that My Dad was in fact a gay man. His name was Brendon. He had left my Mom soon after Jake was born. I don't blame him. At the time my Mom was strung out on coke, and cheating on him with her current husband, Rick. Rick Bianchi. He and my Mom made me the prodigal son. I was essentially they're bread and butter. They're show puppet so to speak. My Mom and Rick hated Jake. Mainly because Jake wasn't a willing player in their games. I was a coward, I followed their every command. I had no other choice, do what the say or get beatings and shock treatments like Jacob. I was too scared to do other wise.

"Roger…?" Jake raised a pierced eyebrow at me "Ya listening?" he smiles.

I laugh quietly "Sorry…I zoned out for a second-what were you saying again?" I smile.

"You, Mark, what's the deal?" he smirks.

A clog in my head momentarily pauses. Did I space out that long? How did the conversation go from my Dad and his life partner getting a house to me and Mark? I blink rapidly a few times and shake my head with a frown and a nervous laugh

"There is no _deal_, what are you talking about?"

His eyebrows immediately shoot up and his mouth takes the shape of an 'o'. "You two aren't…?"

I frown deeply again. "No we aren't- he's my best friend." I say in a rush.

He waggles his eyebrows at me "Seriously? It sure looks lik-"

"What would you know? You've been here for less than 24 hours-it doesn't look like anything"

God, where did that come from? I haven't seen my brother in years and the moment he's back I'm yelling at him. I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean- I'm with Mimi…"

He smirks and nods his head. "KeKe right-My bad bro, I didn't know you were gonna trip like that-my apologies" he smiles and I roll my eyes. My brother. A gangster in glam rock clothing and eye shadow. He walks over to the couch and jumps over it, the only thing showing is his shiny black boots hanging off the back of the couch.

"How long have you and Mark been friends?" he suddenly asks me while I push his legs over the couch.

"I don't know…since I first moved here. We met at one of my shows back in '80 something. He was at the bar with Collins and we sorta hit it off from the start. So the band got him to film some of the our promo stuff. I guess we just started talking, hanging out, he needed a place and we let me stay here for a couple months, that turned into a couple years and uh yeah the rest is history" I smiled.

Jake nods with a smile. "Mark's a filmmaker?" He yawns. "That's cool, maybe he could show me some of his work sometime" he falls on my shoulder, talking through another yawn. "You know I'm into that film shit and all that jazz"

"Yeah, sure, I'm sure he won't mind ya know" I pat his head a few times in silence; I know he's asleep but I ask anyway before getting up. "You gonna crash here tonight?"

He mumbles something incoherent and throws a hand in the air. I guess that was a yes, since he makes no movement to get up and go to Maureen's old bedroom that was set up for him tonight. I whisper a goodnight before getting up from the couch and heading down the short hall to your bedroom.

I pull the flower patterned sheet hanging over the doorway back and see you curled up into a tight ball in the middle of your bed. Your glasses sitting on the milk crate covered with an old shirt for a table cloth along with a small lamp. You're shivering. I bite my lip in concentration. I'm not allowed to touch; I won't allow myself to do so. I shrug off my heavy leather jacket and rest it on top of you. It nearly covers your whole body. I sigh and watch you sleepily pull the jacket closer to yourself. I don't wanna wake you so I gently brush the side of your face, my breathing becoming shaky coming out in little puffs of white air. I say goodnight softly and make the walk across the hall where Mimi is already fast asleep in bed waiting for me.


	4. Chapter Three

* * *

Chapter Three

(Jake's POV)

* * *

"Yeah so I'm sure we can paint over this" Mark told me a few days back with a small smile on his face.

I had bitten my bottom lip to keep from smiling and play it all cool and straight like.

We were standing in his ex-girlfriend's bedroom. He said her name was Maureen, and strongly implied that he was over her. I got the feeling that he gets teased about her a lot. This Maureen girl was clearly no interior designer, what with her strange obsession with cows. Her room was outrageously tacky, painted a pukey yellow color with strategically placed cows on the wall. That was the room I was going to be staying in for a while until I can got myself situated, find a job and all that, but I refused to sleep a night in there until we painted. Assured that the cows on the wall, if not the disgusting yellow walls would give me night terrors.

I deeply regretted that now.

"Ah fuck…"

I groan quietly and rub at the crook in my neck. This couch was definitely not for sleeping. No matter how broken in it might've looked. I think I would have faired better if I had slept on the floor, I doubt I would have been much warmer. I was freezing my ass off in this loft. How Mark and Roger managed to stay here for as long as they have is beyond me

. I get up with a stretch and rub the middle of my back. My body ached more than that one time I booty-called that Asian dominatrix and told him I was ready for all his little games. My mistake. Who the hell puts a dildo on a power tool anyway…uh furthermore where the hell did he get those contraptions from? They definitely had to be illegal in at least twenty countries.

"You slept on the couch?" I'm startled at the sound of Mark's voice. "How'd that turn out?" he laughed softly and walked into the kitchen area and started rummaging through the refridgerator.

"Yeah" I laugh in bitterness "I think I'm fucking crippled" I groaned and collapsed dramatically down on the busted arm chair. "…fuck" I whisper to myself. I think a spring in this crap piece of furniture just punctured my already aching spine. I groan loudly and decide to just roll over on the hardwood floor. I can hear Mark laughing at my expense from across the room. I can't help but smile. "Just laugh at your poor friend in pain why don't cha" I call out.

"Morning" comes a scruffy groan on the other side of the room and I can hear you call out a soft 'good morning' back. I know its Roger. I roll my eyes with a smile. He's so in denial it's hilarious to watch, to watch him pretend that he has no interest in Mark whatsoever. Its ridiculous really. Though if Roger doesn't come to his sense quickly, I'll gladly be happy to fill the position. I laugh mentally at my dirty mind, but stay laid out of the floor.

"Why are you the _floor_?" Roger asked me with slight confusion.

"Because some fucker let me fall asleep on the couch" I groan and I can feel someone kneeling down beside me. It's Mark. He's holding a bottle full of water out to me. I take it from him and the warmth burns my finger tips, or maybe that was his hand moving across my mine. I smile at him as a way of saying thank you and ignore my nervousness and speeding heart.

"This should help you- at least until the water grows cold" He smiled and attempts to pull me up; I gladly abide and let him pull me up. Of course it was little exaggerated but hey, he isn't complaining. Don't know about Roger though, he seems to be glaring at me a little too much, especially when the only thing I know of that could possibly earn me a look like that is me calling him a 'fucker' and that was about five minutes ago. I know his reflexes aren't that slow.

"I'll catch up later" Mark says, wrapping a scarf around his neck. "Breakfast is on the table" he smiles and Roger nods his head. Roger makes sure to make eye contact with him and theres something unspoken in the air "Thanks"

"You made him cereal?" My eyebrows knit together a little out of confusion and I smile "Why aren't you the son of Betty Crocker" I tease and he blushes. I love making him do that.

"I try" he called out as he was walking out the door and sliding it closed behind him. My beating heart can rest for a while now. Me and Roger fall into a serene silence and we both move towards the metal table, there's two cups of coffee and one glass of orange juice. I choose the juice seeing as coffee makes me all jittery and gives me the giggles. I slide onto the table with juice in hand as Roger begins to work at his cereal made by chef Markie.

"I'm glad you came, its been way too long" Roger tells me and I nod with a small smile on my face. I don't launch into a full discussion with him since I've learned that he has become a man of little words. I learned that the best way to talk to him is to just listen and throw in comments here and there. Kinda like talking to a chick. He gets uncomfortable and starts to fidget and wonder off when someone tries to start up a conversation with him. Other than Mark of course, most of the time anyway. Sometimes, I noticed the other day, he'll get random mood swings like a female on the rag and just ignore the cute blonde all together. The mood swings don't seem to faze him one bit though, he'll keep talking to him until he ultimately breaks down and starts humming words back.

"Yeah" I say behind my glass of orange juice and pull my coat up on my arms. "Thinking you guys could get some heat anytime soon?" I smirk but in all seriousness, its pretty fucking cold here. It isn't even that I'm not that use to the cold weather, hell, I lived in Detroit for most of my life, but there was always some source of heat in the house, even if it was by mommy's crack pipe. "For fuck's sake I'm turning into a damn sexy ass Popsicle over here" I laugh. "I don't see how you're so…not affected by it"

Roger wraps his arms around himself after he sets his coffee mug onto the metal table of which I'm sitting on cross-legged. "Layers, lots of them" he smiles and pulls at his thick sweatshirt. "And you can blame Benny for the lack of heat, he's been doing this crap since he became the landlord a few years back" he pauses to roll his eyes "Some nonsense about us not paying rent equaling no heat"

I give a slight frown and follow him with my eyes "Then why don't you just pay the fucking rent. You'd rather freeze your balls off then get a job" I laugh again "Oh or this some kind of rebellion thing you 'bohemians' do? Freezing and starving for your art"

I laugh again and he smirks. He knows I'm only joking. But really, is it worth it? I slide off the table and head towards the sink which is piled high with dirty dishes, which is a mystery since these boys have little to no food in the loft and over half the time order out. Which brings me to the question of where the hell they get enough money for take out but not groceries? I remember Collins telling me something about rewiring atms and seducing cops. I frown a little. I'll ask again later.

There's three knocks at the door and I'm hoping it's Mark. He's interesting to me for some reason, I don't know, I feel sorta drawn to him in a way. There's something so adorably off about him that intrigues me to learn more. I'm disappointed though when I see some anorexic babe strutting through the door and tossing herself on my brother. I forgot her name. I think it was KeKe or something like that…I'm pretty sure it was KeKe. She's Roger's girlfriend or some shit. I haven't given her much thought but I know that she doesn't like me from the last three times we've met. No rash on my ass though, I don't like her either. I've noticed that she sometimes gives Mark this look, its indescribable, but I know for sure it's a look of hatred. I find it weird how she can put up such a strong front in his face by glare pointy objects at him when she thinks he's not looking. Ugh, women, never met a good one.

But don't get me wrong. For a chick, KeKe is pretty cool. I'm sure we could become friends in the future if she would stop being so bitter towards me. I have nothing against the girl…honestly.

"Hi KeKe" I smile, a true genuine smile.

"Mimi" She responds.

"Yes you" I giggle and rub my hands down the front my pants, using them as a paper-towel for my damp hands.

"No" she says sternly and I wonder what her deal is, leave it to a chick to wanna start a catfight early in the morning "My name is Mimi- I've told you this like three times now"

I ignore her rudeness "What's it short for?" I ask

"Nothing di-"

I smirk and lay back, awaiting her smartass remark. Just knowing that she was gonna get all Brooklyn on my ass when I'm being as nice as possible and showing genuine interest to her existence; and she wants to throw insults. How unappreciative she is. I give up precious minutes of my life to address her and she wants to be rude. It _is _entertaining though.

"Mimi maybe you could meet me in the shower huh?" he gives a half smile to the girl and ushers her to the bathroom but not before giving her a small kiss that somehow calms her ass down. My eyebrows shoot up and I smirk.

"Feisty"


	5. Chapter Four

* * *

Omg! My first long chapter! dedicated to my faithful reviewer Bfly-Ronaldita who wanted a longer chapter :), and excuse errors and what not, been having vista problems and just wanted to get this chapter out there, im going VERY slow on this story.

* * *

Chapter Four

(Roger's POV

* * *

Two fingers pressed to my temple with a simple smile on my face staring across the room at you. Little do you know that my heart is slowly being tugged in your direction. It's a strange aching sensation in the subterranean depths of my heart. I gotta say I like the feeling; its something that I haven't had since the first time I met Mimi, the dancer from downstairs. I think its more like the first time I saw you at the bar from the stage, you didn't even look my way even though I was singing to you the whole time, too wrapped up in your conversation with Thomas to pay me any attention. Its time like these, when I fall prey to my subconscious, that I wonder what would have happened if I would have made a move on you then.

I curse myself for being chicken shit, hell I still am, and I don't know the reason for it. How pathetic am I? Over here pinning over you while Jake is attempting to sweet talk you out of your boxers and it wouldn't even make a difference if I was still here or not. Ok, so maybe he isn't trying to sweet talk you out of your pants-but I'm pretty sure he wants to. He is my brother after all, and I know all too well what a sexual deviant he is. I know what he's thinking, the things he wants to do to you…the things I _wish I_ could do to you. I shift uncomfortably and place my guitar over my lap and pluck at a few strings which turns into '_your eyes_', Mimi's song…sort of, I would never tell her that it was _your_ eyes that gave me my inspiration. I'll keep that a secret, she doesn't need to know.

I feel a set of eyes on me now as I drift off and start playing random notes. I clench my jaw tightly as to keep from smiling when I know its you looking my way. Once again, I'm pathetic when it comes to you. What is with this mask I put on, why don't I just smile towards you and let you know that I care, It can't be too hard now can it? I shift my eyes upwards and let a smile form on my face. Our eyes meet, an implausible spark runs down my spine. I'm frozen in place, you look utterly striking with the glow of the morning sun playing over your features. Sadly you look away with a tiny smile on your face and your attention is back on Jay. I let out a shaky breath, my body is itching all over and there's sweat forming on my forehead. What I wouldn't give to have you look my way again.

Jake is fancily shuffling a deck of cards, sure enough an attempt to impress you. I hear Jake say something about playing strip 'go fish' with a wicked smirk on his face. Typical Jake. I can't help but smile a little, but get stopped dead in my tracks when I hear your voice calling to me and asking if I wanted to join. I shurg it off and say that I'm busy with my guitar, you nod and agree to a game of classic go fish and make it clear that you're not getting naked. I smirk and pretend to be busy with my guitar. I hear four taps from the door and pray that its Mimi, damn-its Tom. Shit, he'll probably encourage you to play strip go fish, that or get you high enough until you say yes. I wave over to Collins after he's said his hi's to you and Jake. I'm glad that I'm seated far enough from the two of you that neither of you will hear our conversation. Collins flops down on the chair besides me and slaps my knee. "Shhh" he shushes me. "I could hear you pining from across the room" he laughs and I give a sarcastic laugh and mumble a 'fuck you'. Collins is still wearing a smile on his face and I roll my eyes "I knew this shit was gonna happen"

"The great Collins knows everything doesn't he?" I say sarcastically

"Why yes I do" he smiles "But any simpleton could have predicted it, it's the classic story" he says simply "_You_ want to be with him but your too much of a pussy to do shit-so now that someone else is interested in the little filmmaker, you can't stand to see him with anyone else, thus the jealously, but when it comes to a head you'll use Mimi as your excuse and then the cycle will just repeat." he says in a matter-of-fact way.

"You just have it all figured out" I mumble sardonically

"How long do you think Mark is gonna stay single while you bleed out your vagina trying to make a desicon, that by the way, is pretty fucking easy"

I roll my eyes "There's no decision to make"

"Okay Roger…whatever you say- but just watch" he bursts out with a wide grin on his face " By the end of this year-I, once again, will be proven right!" he exclaims and calls across the room to Jake and asks him to join him in going to the cornor store for groceries and liquor for later on tonight. Thankfully Jake agrees, which in turn gives me time alone with Mark. Finally. Before leaving, Tom tells me to wipe the grin off my face, I smile even more, I don't think I could if I wanted to. I tuck my guitar to my side and stretch out with a small yawn but a small hint of a smile on my face.

"Its been a while…"

I'm startled when I hear your voice and open my eyes to see you're only inches away from me. I can't believe how fogged up my mind has been lately that, I forgot how on the rare occassion you take my breath away like that.

"Huh?" I can't concentrate on my words when you're looking at me like this.

"Just us- alone you know?"

"yeah" I say breathlessly with a nod "Just us…its been a while"

You pause to laugh softly "Alone at last huh" you're beginning to fidget now with your hands, I notice how awkward you must feel now after about a month of our normal routine being broken we're suddenly thrust together out of the blue.

"I miss this" I quickly catch myself "Its been way too crowded around here"

You laugh quietly "With Collins moving back in and.... your brother, between the two there's barely a moment of silence"

"I know" I smirk but it slowly fades "You and Jake seem to be getting along…"

"Yeah" you smile. "I guess we became friends pretty quickly"

"We haven't hung out in a while" I blurt out. "I um…I've-"

_Missed you_.

"Me too" you smile shyly, and I get the strongest urge to kiss you, I'm starting to loose the willpower I've built up over the years. I've never let myself slip up as much as I am today.

"Yeah. You're mostly with Mimi these days"

"And you're with Jake half the time" I pause with a smile "We're together now though"

"Awkwardly" you chuckle. "How's the song writing going, write anything new lately?"

I shake my head "Haven't had any inspiration"

"Hmm" you suddenly grab a hold to my hand and my heart rate quickens. "Maybe you haven't been looking in the right direction" you say this as you stradle my lap and tangle your fingers in my hair, forcing me to look at you. "Am I inspiring you Roger?" you grind down on me and I let out a deep groan, my hands tight on you waist, hoping to keep you right there on that perfect spot. "Roger" you sigh, your fingers ghosting over my face.

"Roger?" I grab your wrist in front my face "Um…dude…"

Suddenly you aren't in my lap, you never were. I frown deeply, what the hell just happened? I let go of your wrist slowly, but still lingering. I'm fucking hallucinating, I should find Mimi a.s.a.p.

"Are you…okay?" you ask me with a hint of laughter in your voice.

"Yeah-Yeah" I clear my throat "Kinda spaced out for a second"

"You were drooling" yoiu laugh when I reach up to touch my chin "kidding" you smirk.

I rub the back of my neck, a nervous habit. You're looking dead at me with a small smile playing upon your lips. "Did Collins get you high?"

I laugh and shake my head "Nah, my mind is kinda fogged up is all"

You nod and sit across from me, leaning back on your elbows on the hardwood floor. "So-your song? Have you written anything…you sorta spaced when I asked the last time" you smile.

"Not anything worth sharing" I say shyly but watch you with concentration as you reach for my guitar, your eyes on me the whole time. "Can I?" you ask and I simply nod

"Jay taught me a thing or two a few days back, I guess the musical gene runs in the family" you smile and get comfortable with my dusty guitar in your lap, I can't deny how adorable you look with it in your arms.

"Oh yeah?" I smile "Show me"

"Okay" he looks up at me adorably, I pathetically melt. Shit Roger get a hold of yourself. " it's a song Jay wote" you clear your throat and begin to play the opening chords. I tilt my head to watch you.

"_Didn't you know, I was waitin on you  
Waitin' on a dream that'll never come true  
Didn't you know, I was waitin' on you  
My face turned to stone when I heard the news  
When'd you decide to break the rules?  
Cause I just heard some real bad news_

_People talk like it's old news  
I play it off and act like I already knew  
Let me ask you, how long have you known dude?  
You play it off and act like he's brand new  
When'd you decide to break the rules?  
Cause I just heard some real bad news_

_Real bad news"_

You clear your thorat with a smile and hand the guitar back to me. "I forgot the rest.." you shurg and lean back on your elbows and await my response. I edit my response in my head to keep from sounding stalkerish. _I love the sound of your voice_.

I smile and lean forward "Nice voice you got there" I say honestly "Can't believe you know how to pluck a few strings on this guitar-finally" I tease and watch you turn a slight red "Almost as much as I cant believe Jay can put a song together"

You smile happily "Jakes amazing"

"Oh…" I look away, anywhere but your face.

_Awkward Silence._

"So…do you like um…you know?" I ask with a heavy heartbeat. It shouldn't make me any difference.

"Huh?"

"Jake, you….do you..?" I'm chewing on my already bitten down fingers as I ask in a why that says that I don't care if you do or don't. I really hope you don't.

"Oooh-Roger" you smirk "Nothing like that"

"But you _do_ know that he likes you right?" I question.

"He _does_?"

Curse that smile spreading across your face. What are we, in high school now?

I shurg "I don't know, I just figured since you two have become like siasmese twins since he got here, I assumed he would have tried something on you by now"

You laugh softly "Well he hasn't, why are you getting defensive

I glare at him. "I'm not getting defensive_,_ I'm just saying that Jake doesn't take himself seriously and-"

"I should stay away?" you raise an eyebrow at me.

"He only wants one thing-"

"Don't they all?"

"He'll get what he wants and leave Mark, I don't want that to-"

"Maybe I want to get taken advantge of?"

"Mark, stop interrupting me" I glare.

"No, it's entertaining" you lean back and laugh "In all seriousness Roger, me and Jake are _friends_, he hasn't tried anything and frankly I don't think he wants to so just chill alright" you smile with a contented sigh and get up in a rush, grabbing me by the arm "C'mon" you said, pulling me up off the armchair.

"Where are we going?" I say with a slight frown, mainly because of the sudden unexpected movement.

"I smell cookies" you smile.

"Can i put on shoes?"

"....fuck shoes-cookies man! I bet Mimi's downstairs cooking again, practicing for that cooking class again"

"Well shit, lets go" I smile and allow you to lead me downstairs. What a great way to spend the morning, cookies and Mark, I don't know which I'm more excited for, both are rather intoxicating.


	6. Chapter Five

Thanks for reviewing and sorry for the long update to whoever is reading :), enjoys! and excuse mistakes cause im just that lazy

* * *

Chapter Five

(Mark's POV)

* * *

"We should get a puppy" Jake smiles brightly at me from his side of the couch, me and Jake are sharing a couple of blankets on the couch today, trying our best to keep warm. I've thought a lot about what Roger said about a week ago, concerning Jake having some kind of a crush on me. I didn't put much thought into the idea at first. I like Jake as a friend, but then again sometimes, I wouldn't mind being with him, I could see myself with him. He shrugs and looks back towards the small portable television with the duct-taped antenna on top and smiles. "I always wanted a dog"

"You never had a pet when you were a kid?" I question and he seems to tense up, did I say something wrong? He merely shakes his head and snuggles into the blankets. I feel as though I should apology, though I don't know what for exactly. His demeanor has saddened; I'm not use to a Jake that doesn't have a smile on his face. I nudge him softly with my foot; he looks my way with a forced smile on his face. "I'm sorry, I-"

"No" he says quickly "No Mark, it's not your fault…honestly- I just-my childhood wasn't exactly the happiest years of my life so to speak." He tells me, I decide not to press the subject, if he's anything like Roger, he probably doesn't want to talk about it. I await the awkward silence that is sure to come as I nod, silently dropping the conversation.

A good two minutes pass before Jake speaks up again, picking at the tattered pillow in his arms. "My step dad was hell-bent on making sure I stayed miserable…my mom-she hated me" he laughs bitterly "but I was her son after all, she couldn't hate me that much. I remember she said I could get a cat once. It was one of the few times she even acted like a mother towards me, it was actually our cat together, we chose the name and everything" Jake smiles and looks down for a moment "We had Rori all for three days and I already loved her-then she died"

He throws his hands behind his head and leans back over the arm on the couch "Actually murdered- Rick- Rick fucking killed the only thing that ever brought me and my mom together. He _purposely_ ran over her" His eyes flash with anger and sadness "He fucking left her in the driveway while he got my mom cocked up and left me to find it" He puts a hand over his mouth and closes his eyes, keeping his anger in check. "And he had the fucking nerve to call me a f-Mark I'm sorry I shouldn't be-"

"Jacob…" I pull him into my arms, he's warm. I pet his hair softly as I speak. "You don't have to…Its okay" He holds onto me tighter as I speak and run my fingers through his hair. "Dead memories always come back to haunt us"

He sighs and holds me close; I can see a small smile spreading across his lips. "I'm glad I found you Mark" he tells me, my heart leaps and I rub his back as a sign of comfort. He wipes at his eyes and smiles genuinely. "Enough of my self-pitting eh?" he laughs softly. "We were talking about a puppy, might brighten this place up a bit huh?" He situates himself into his previous position on his end of the couch. I'm inspired by his strongest, his willingness to move on.

"Maybe, but you do know that they need to be fed, you'll have to clean up their messes, not to mention-"I say, counting off the cons on my fingers.

His laughter stops me mid sentence and he shakes his head at me. "An optimist can see a light where there is none but why must a pessimist always run to put it out?" he smirks and ruffles my hair. "Don't put out my light Markie"

I roll my eyes just as the door slides open and in come the happy couple. You and Mimi, holding hands. Mimi looks beautiful, ditching the stripper casual for today and wearing her hair up. You as always when you're engaging in any physical contact look like you're in pain, but happy. Mimi reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss you and you wrap your arms around her waist. I look away, I'm forced to face my realities, but a reality I helped created at that. I've made myself build up immunity to this, to you, it's only now that it's starting to break down, and I'm starting to feel sick again.

Our eyes meet for the slightest of a second; I look away quickly and get up, walking to my room. If I don't see it, I can pretend like it doesn't happen. I don't care anymore, I've told myself countless times that I don't care anymore, I can't allow myself to do so. Me and you, it was never meant to happen. We weren't meant to be more than friends, roommates. I've accepted that. Though, the memories in my heart from years ago still clench tightly onto my soul, and as much I try to repress them, it's all meaningless.

I close my eyes, a sad smile pours across my face.

I remember the first time our lips touched; it was almost a year after we first met. I doubt you even remember. You told me you wanted me, told me to give you my love and you'll commit to me. I remember your words exactly.

"_Mark, if you love me, I'll give it all up, the drugs, the clubs, April- I wouldn't need them if I could have you"_

Your lips passed over mine briefly, that is, before you dropped to the floor in front of me. The next day it was forgotten. You had April, your needles, your happiness. I had my camera and my loneliness, my foolishness to think that you had been sober when you were talking to me. I got away and now I wear my scars, hidden but I don't think I'm fooling anyone. I hear a knock on the door frame. A head pokes in through the curtain, its Jacob.

He doesn't say anything when he comes in, he simply slides onto the bed next to me and wraps his arms around my waist, one hand sliding up my chest. "Is this…okay?" he says softly in my ear. I touch his hand with my own and entwine our fingers together over my heart and nod. "I'm okay now"

He sighs and snuggles into the crook of my neck. "You're in love with him aren't you?"

"I don't want to" I say quietly.

"I can help you" he tells me. I turn around in his grasp and face him. He traces my jaw with his index finger and kisses my forehead. "How?" I ask still hold his hand in mine.

"Let me be there for you, let me be your friend" he says quietly. "You won't need Roger, you'll forget, the dead memories won't haunt you anymore"

"You'll be my friend Jacob?"

"I am your friend Mark" he smiles at me, his dark brown hair framing his face, making me pay closer attention to the freckles that dotted his check along with a tinge of pink.

"I'm starting to forget already" I touch his face softly.

"Then I'm doing my job right" he smirks and touches my hand that's on his face, his slender fingers ghosting over the backside of my hand.

Jacob is my vaccine; he'll keep my love for you at bay, but for how long? For now, I'll see a light where there isn't any.

It wasn't until late on in the night that I saw you again, this time without Mimi on your arm. It was, er…awkward. You stared at me as if I had grown three extra heads; I was more than uncomfortable underneath your gaze. It made it worse that there was this lingering silence in the air when we were together; I know you wanted to say something, but you expected me to be able to understand your silence. I'm not a mind-reader you know. Normal people communicate and express ideas and thoughts with one another, I believe they have a word for it. Talking, I think that's why they call it. Though for some reason you insist on staring at me thinking I have some kind of telepathic super-powers I didn't tell you about.

After a few more minutes of stare down, I get up from the couch, pretending not to feel your eyes watching me and turn the volume of the television up. I'm not the least bit interested in whatever is on, but at least there would be some noise feeling the eerily silent loft. You're still looking at me, it's making me irritable and I shift uncomfortably, trying to focus on the television in front of me. I fail miserably, you're gaze is too heavy.

"Roger stop" I glare at you. "Whatever you have to say, just say it and stop staring at me" I say angrily, the annoyance in my voice shook you out of your trance and you blinked rapidly.

"What?" He asks innocently as I groaned inwardly.

"Stop staring at me"

"I wasn't-"He tries to recover but I interrupt.

"You were, the whole time you've been here-What is it?" I say irritated, drumming my fingers on the arm of the couch.

"It's none of my business, but…I saw you and Jake…in your room and-"

"You're right; it's none of your business"

"Did you two…"

"Why?" I frown "What different does it make, but since you have to know, the answer is no, we talked about irrelevant bull-shit for about two hours, he didn't kiss me, he didn't fuck me-are you happy?" I say still very irritable for some reason.

"Are you?"

"What is that suppose to mean? "

"Did you want him to kiss you? To fuc-"

I pinch the bridge of my nose; feeling a migraine forming quickly "Is that all you wanted to know. If I fucked your brother or not?" I sigh.

"No" He states, his lips forming a straight line across his face. "I'm moving back downstairs…with Mimi"

"You're trying the living together thing again?"

"It was…my idea this time"

My chest tightens, I think about Jake, and take a deep breath. "That's what all the staring was about- just to tell me you're moving out?"

Something tells me that's not the entire reason you were staring at me so intently. I don't press the subject.

You nod "I wasn't staring" you roll your eyes, you put up a strong front. "I was thinking, I think it's for the best…for our relationship"

Err…whose relationship were we talking about here?

"Besides" he starts again "Mimi needs help with the rent and you seem to have more than your fair share of roommates so…"

"Yeah, of course. I could help you move your things down if you like" I offer.

"Thanks"

Silence.

You're doing it again.

More silence.

Staring.

Annoyance, I hate this unsaid silence between us.

"Roger stop- what's on your mind?"

You shake your head again "Nothing" you grumble and slouch down in your chair with folded arms. "You just shouldn't get involved with Jake is all"

"So Roger Davis is giving me dating advice now?" I raise an eyebrow "I'm not involved with Jake for fucks sakes- he's a friend, he's actually a really good friend and I care about him."

You glare at me and I'm surprised you haven't unleashed the temper I know you have on me.  
"You don't want to get involved with his baggage Mark"

I scoff "Baggage, if that were the case I would have stayed far away from you and your shit"

His eyes are bulging with fury when he gets up from his chair "Why are you talking like this-you know I only want you…to be happy"

We fall silent again. We gravitate towards each other. "You're happy with Mimi, _that_ makes me happy"

"_We_ were happy before Mimi-we can-"He reaches out to me but I turn away quickly, I won't be trapped again, I refuse it.

"I have to go, Collins' is waiting for me at the life" I say quickly shrugging on my coat and scarf. Always close by for a quick getaway.

"Mark" you plead and for some reason I stop dead in my tracks, you're reaching for me again. "Don't leave...please" I succumb to your grasp. "I don't mean to intrude…it's just, I can't stand it." You say softly into my hair.

"What can't you stand?" I ask, my voice slightly muffled by his embrace.

"You…you and anyone else that isn't me…." You say with sadness held in the back of your throat, rubbing my back lightly and pressing me closer.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six

(Jacob's POV)

"You think he'll like these" I asked curiously, shaking the purple lilacs and honey suckle bouquet that I sweet talked out of the closet case working the flower cart at the street market. I suspect they were imported and stolen. Oh well, only the best for Mark I suppose, although I'm thinking maybe flowers will suggest I'm coming on too strong. I'm sure he'll appreciate them though. It's weird for me; Mark has this thing where he cares about me. I've never had anyone care before; it's a little hard to get used to, yet comforting. I bring the flowers to my nose, sweet, I think, Mark will definitely be thankful for my thoughtfulness. I smile at the thought of seeing him smile because of me.

Collins' was walking beside me with his arms full, he shrugged with a smile on his face "I don't know man; I've never known Mark to give it up for a bundle of Rosa's"

I scowl and second guess my gift "They aren't _Rosa's_" I rolled the 'r' and laughed "I'm not trying to get him naked Snoopy" he rolled his eyes at my nickname for him.

"You're gonna stop calling me that shit" he smirked and nudged me off the sidewalk.

"_Anyway_- I just felt like-uh you know what? Why am I telling you this? Do I need a reason to want to get a friend a gift?" I demand and stop dead on the sidewalk, Collins continues to walk ahead of, leaving me behind and calling back

"But your reasons have ulterior motives –_furthermore_"

I jog quickly up to me and jab a finger at him "Oh no you don't-don't you furthermore me"

He sighs and pushes me finger away with his elbow "_Furthermore_" he dragged out the word as I rolled my eyes "When we became friends you officially became required by law to tell me this shit"

I quirked a studded eyebrow his way "And if I don't?"

He chuckled "You know what they do to guys like you in prison"

"Hmm, doesn't sound too bad" I laugh softly, stepping over a homeless man laid out on the sidewalk.

"I'll do you one better" he tells me "I'll sic Maureen on ya" he said deviously as I cringed in memory of the hyper attention seeking bisexual girl.

"Er…I'll stick to the treaty obligations of our friendship"

"Damn right" he smiled "Well boy-spit it out, what's the chewy details here?"

I shrugged "There aren't any…I mean I want there to be, but I want to be careful you know"

"Yeah yeah, of course." He nods

I sigh heavily "Besides that, nothing is gonna happen between us no matter how much I might want there to be. He's in love with Roger you know"

He smiles a little "You speak too soon, I mean sure, Mark has always had a thing for Roger but you should pay attention sometime" he smirks and nudges me "I'm thinking you should make a move, that is, if Mark doesn't first"

I can't help but be a bit skeptical here. "So you're saying that Mark could possibly have a thing for me?"

Collins snorts and shoves me off the sidewalk _again_ "No shit Sherlock-that's exactly what I'm saying, but I can't be too sure, the boy is awfully hard to read"

"So give me a percentage here" I snapped my fingers impatiently

"Hmm, about 87 percent?"

"Fair enough, but still Snoopy, there's the whole Roger-"

He cleared his throat loudly and my eyebrows shot up "Apparently you've forgotten about _Keke_" he laughed.

"Mimi" I roll my eyes with a smile

"And he's straight-"

I scoff with a smirk on my face "And you've apparently forgotten that he's…how do you say, quote on quote _straight_"

Collins chuckled softly as we rounded the corner; the loft was only a few more miles ahead. "But yet again-he's not available, apart from that Mark knows, he _has_ to know Roger has something for him, but hell if he'll act on it, the friendship they have outweighs anything else that might be there"

I sigh brushing my fingers through my hair "Sounds like soap"

"You have no idea" he laughed.

"How do you deal? It has got to be exhausting."

"And that my friend, is _exactly_ why I'm always gone" he laughed again and I smiled

"You're not gone now"

"Don't have the funds, thus my reason being stuck here with you drama queens, but trust me, if I did-outta here"

We both laughed together as we reached the stairs of the building. My stomach began to gurgle, churn, and pop, the palms of my hands sweating. Was I having a stroke? Collins slapped me on the back with a bark of a laugh asking "Are you alright man?"

I nodded then frowned "Of course-why wouldn't I be?" My voice wasn't as strong as the words I put so much confidence in. I thought to ditch the flowers in that corner over there and avoid the embarrassment but before I could open the door or even knock for that matter, a blur of leather and dirty blonde hair with the smell of rust, burst through the door, and rather rudely shaved me and Collins out of the way. I frowned and walked into my current home where Mark stood with his arms folded near the bay window.

"What's up?" I greeted quietly

He sighed then smiled lightly "Hi" His piercing blue eyes met mine and my heart rate sped. If I didn't hand these to him now, I was gonna rip the petals off in my nervousness. "I um, got you something" I handed him the flowers quickly "there, ya know, lilacs and-"

"Honey suckles, yeah, I love these" he brought the flowers to his nose and mumbled a thanks, putting on a smile for my sake, I bit my lip and stared at him for a second, trying to read him. It was impossible. I popped my lips and took his hand quickly in my mind and lead him to the couch, making sure to come off as friendly as possible.

"And what has given you the Roger Davis malady?" I smoothed my index finger over his forehead "Resulting in bad mood and deep frown lines" I gave a tiny smile happy that I got him to give me a small hint of a smirk.

"The main source of the virus" He mumbled and casted his eyes to the ceiling.

"That would explain the rude ass that just burst out of the loft" Collins piped in.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I questioned raking my fingers through his hair, once again, totally friendly…honestly.

He frowned again and shook his head. "It's not important" he said jumping off the couch and away from me.

"Are you sure" I prodded again "The way you're acting seems to say the opposite…"

"Well" he pouted his lower lip "You suck at reading people"

I sighed, it's obvious whatever Roger said or _did_, has put Mark in a bad mood. "Well I only suck because you're so hard to see through"

"Excuse me for not being an open book" he frowned and turned away.

"I'm not asking you to be an open book, I'm asking you to tell me what's wrong" I say softly from across the room. I looked up in time to see Collins slinking his way out of the loft, more than likely to go find Roger who would probably be with Mimi no doubt.

"Mark" I call his name again, walking towards him and putting a hand on his shoulder "What happened? Did he say something or-"

"He loves me" He whispers with closed eyes.

My heart stops in mid-beat. I swallow slowly and let me hand slide down the length of his arm "Oh" is all I can manage at the moment and then let out a shaky breath.

"And you?"

"I have my camera, my health, my sanity, and some of the best friends I could ask for-I'm happy" He smiled truly for the first time. "Trust me, I am"

He's not telling me everything, I won't push the subject.

"I trust you" I brush his hair back and smile "Hey" I sigh "Want to go to the park with me, you could record me while I make love to the camera" I make kissing noises and he laughs "It'll be some twisted porno-we'll make millions" I laughed. "Not to mention jumpstart my acting career, porn is where the best of 'em start"

This gets Mark to laugh and my heart flutters. He grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet "Alright lets go" he pauses and wags a finger at me "But no sexual harassment on my camera, she's an antique"

"Don't worry I'll be gentle" I purr and I swear he blushes. "Ok, ok let's go before it gets too dark. I don't feel like getting mugged tonight for my shoes...Again" I frown remembering the purple cowboy boots I had lost the week before.

Roger's POV

I had you cornered, my hands above your shoulders keeping you exactly where I needed you to be. I was so close, _we_ were so close. Even know with the cold wind sweeping across my face, and the tips of my fingers going numb from the cold, I can still smell the sweetness of your breath, the warmth of your chest pressed close to mine, the palm of my hand laid across of your heart, counting your quickening heart beats. I swear, I can feel the softness of your hand still pressed to my cheek. I close my eyes, instead of seeing pitch black, I see vibrant saddened blue. The look in your eyes when I said I love you. My pulse quickens as I remember the feel of your lips curved around mine, the way you entwined our fingers as you allowed my tongue to pass into your mouth. So familiar and yet it felt like my eyes we're opened to a whole new world, a world where you stood center stage.

"_Mark…I love you." I stroke your cheek with my thumb and stare deeply into your eyes "But I don't-I mean I do but…"_

_You nod softly and back away slowly, your hand still tightly holding on to mine, I caress the back of your hand with my index finger "You want to stay with Mimi" you smile softly "It's okay Roger. Of course you want to be with Mimi" you smile sincerely and kiss me on the cheek, my skin burning lightly from the warmth of your lips and your cheek pressed against mine as you linger silently and lay your chin on my shoulder, the coolness of your breath tickling the inside of my ear. "Another time, another place"_


	8. Chapter Seven

Mark's POV

* * *

(Chapter Seven)

* * *

A smile stretches across my face as I gaze through the lens of my camera; it's pointed at Jacob. He's wearing his hat backwards and his long dark hair is smoothed back, he glances at my camera and gives me a smile as he continues to entertain Mimi who's seated on the arm of the couch giggling. Roger, on another note, doesn't look too happy to be here. We've avoided each other for about two weeks now; this is the first time we've been in the same room together for longer than five minutes. I choose not to let my camera stop on him and continue to focus on the looks Jacob is giving me through my camera. It's making my heart tremble, a feeling that I haven't experienced in a long time. I silently lower the camera when Roger begins to play with Mimi's hair, I don't care to get that on film.

Jacob catches where my attention has drifted off to and bounces to my side in an instant. He throws an arm around my shoulders and leads me into Maureen's old bedroom where he currently sleeps. He grabs my wrists and pulls me down onto the old mattress on the floor that he sleeps on. My heart is stuttering for some unknown reason. I've been feeling weird around him all week; it's the good kind of weird though. "Ma-ark?" he coos my name. I feel the urge to blush. I shouldn't though; I don't like him in that way. At least I try to convince myself that I don't like him that way. It's getting harder to deny that I only feel friendship for him; I'm not ready to fully admit it yet. "Yeah?" I question, staring straight into my eyes. It hurts to breathe at the moment. I take notice of how I'm straddling his leg; yeah…I so don't like him in that way. God, I think Roger's denial is rubbing off on me.

He barely touches the side of my face as his eyes continue to stare into my own. "You have the most _gorgeous_ blue eyes I've ever seen, you know that?" I smiled softly as Jacob slowly removed my glasses with shaky hands "I swear I'm not flirting "he laughed and stroked the side of my face "I really mean it" he says honestly, now looking dead at my lips.

I finally release that painful gulp of air that I had been holding in as his faced neared mine by every passing second, would I dare to make that final leap so that our lips would meet for the first time? I feel an internal sigh sweep across my heart and I bring a hand up to caress the side of his face, he smiles and touches the back of my hand that is pressed against his cheek.

"Don't do anything you don't want to Mark, I know that the whole situation with Roger is…" He's starting to ramble and I smirk at how adorable he is when he starts fidgeting and stumbling all over his words. I suppose he notices that I'm not listening to a word he's saying when he stops talking and kisses me on the forehead; I take note of how soft his lips are on my skin. I won't deny it any longer. It's impossible to do so. I wrap an arm around his neck and make sure his focus stays on me "Listen now" I spoke softly. He listens to me silently as my hand moves up to remove his hat, tossing it aside and letting my hand rake through his hair; gently massaging it. He leans into my touch, just as there comes a low knock on the frame of the door.

Jacob sighs heavily and gently slides me to the side of him. We both know who it is looking in on us. You clear your throat and look pathetically at me. There are red spots on your neck. I look away quickly and let my eyes rest on the moth eaten blankets on the mattress. Jake leans back and brush his hair in front of his face. You're still awkwardly standing in the door way. "Can I talk to you?" You asked your voice hoarse and your hair messy.

"Me or him?" Jacob asks, laying back completely on the mattress. I look up towards the ceiling when I notice the bulge in his tight pants that he's not even attempting to cover. I'm slightly turned on by his 'oh well' attitude, luckily my pants aren't nearly as tight.

"Mark" You look over to me and back to Jacob "Privacy would be nice" you commented towards him

"This is my room now-I shouldn't have to leave" He looks at me and smiles "I'm going"

After he leaves. It's just me and you, awkwardly glancing at each other. You make sure to close the door when you walk all the way in and take a seat next to me on the ragged mattress. "What are you doing Mark?"

"I'm living my life" I speak slowly, the words coming out funny and foreign to my ears.

"With my brother- Jacob of all people?" you frown "I know I said that we couldn't be together like that Mark...but-"

"What's your point then?"

"My point is what it has always been. Jacob is-"

"No good" I roll my eyes "How many times have I heard this one before"

"Apparently not enough or your just stupid enough to not listen to a word I say"

"You're jealous- that's exactly what this is about" I'm the one frowning now "Isn't? Look at you Roger" I sigh "It's pathetic" You aren't saying anything; you aren't even looking at me. I continue to go on. "You have Mimi, someone who loves you, an amazingly wonderful girl but you're not satisfied. Roger you can't have Mimi in your bed while you throw a fit whenever you see me even attempting to be with anyone else"

"I can't help the way I feel Mark, you know I can't "you finally look at me and close the space between us "Of course I go crazy when I see you with anyone else. I love you" he breaks off and looks away again. I cup his cheek and turn his attention back towards me.

"How would you suppose I feel then Roger" I back away slowly. He's fallen silent again "I think Mimi's waiting for you" I say quietly. I'm frozen in place when your lips crash down on mine. As much as I want to pull my mouth away from yours, I've wanted this for so long now, and it feels too good to stop. I try not to think about how much of a horrible person this makes me out to be when you crawl on top of me and your rough warm hands go up the inside of my shirt. I feel more alive than I have in weeks. You're sucking on my neck as I quickly and skillfully unbutton your shirt, letting my hands run across your hard exposed chest. You grab my hands on your chest and pin them above my head as you undo the zipper on my pants. I tightly wrap my legs around you as you pick me up and slam me against the bedroom door; surely a loud thud could be heard inside the loft If not for our heavy, erratic breathing.

Our eyes meet for a moment. There's so much intensity inside of those dark green eyes of yours as you work on unzipping your pants and stroking yourself. You tell me roughly in my ear that you want me naked in ten seconds as you caress yourself hectically. You press yourself firmly against me; I can feel your frantic heartbeat next to mine. Your hot and heavy as you steady yourself to enter me and our eyes lock together; silently asking if we're ready to go this far. You place your wet lips inside the crook of my neck as I pump you slowly and teasingly, my breath coming out shakily, my whole body seems to scream for you at this very moment.

You wrap a hand around my neck and kiss me roughly on the lips, sucking my lower lip into your mouth. I never want you to let go. I tell you this in a half moan half whisper that rips through my body as I arch up into you. I suppress a loud moan that would sure enough expose us, when a hot temperate finger slides inside of me; I bite down on your broad shoulders as you shush me and suck sloppily at my check. I throw my head back and press down on it, loving how good it feels to know that it's _you_ doing this.

I grab a fistful of your hair when you manage to let another finger fit inside of me. The feeling is orgasmic. I bring your head closer to mine and tell you that I want you; I need you to-right now. You give in to my request and lift me up higher, there's sweat rolling off your temple and you're groaning my name, telling me how tight I am.

I want you so badly, right here and now, but I can't bring myself to go any further. Even when I'm on the verge of spilling onto your stomach, I manage to think of others. Like Mimi, like Jacob. I was just about to kiss Jacob before you burst in, how much of a slut would this make me. I don't want to imagine it. I slowly push you away, catching my own breath and getting out of your tight grip. I pinch the bridge of my nose as shame washes over me and I quickly step back into my pants and pull my shirt over my head. I can't believe I was just about to do that. Before you can ask what's wrong, or where I'm going, I'm already out of the room, slamming the door behind me.


	9. Chapter Eight

* * *

I feel horrible about ditching my stories like this, but i needed to get my inspiration together :)

* * *

Chapter Eight

(Mark's POV)

* * *

"I'm taking you out today"

I snapped out of my intense observation of the strenuous line of ants on the side paneling of the window to realize that it was Jacob's soft voice calling out from behind me. I had been expecting the worst when I felt someone's presence enter the room, I had been looking for Roger to be there behind me instead of Jacob. I hadn't seen nor talked to Roger in about two weeks, it was sort of an obvious avoidance on both my part and his.

Jacob cleared his throat to get my attention, damn, I need to stop spacing out so much these days, people are gonna start to wonder if I'm still all here.

"I mean…unless you um…unless you-"

"Like a date or something?" I interrupted quickly, not wanting Jacob to think I was rejecting him or anything. He stared at me with a blank expression on his face, obviously shocked that I had been so blunt with him, his lips slowly and gently turned upwards into a smile, a smile that I had become very fond of over these past 6 months.

"Yeah" he began to fidget "You could…you could say that" I could definitely tell he was nervous, he and Roger had the same mannerisms when they became nervous.

"Well…that sounds good" I smiled up at him brightly, my attempt at flirting, god help me. "When?"

"How's three?"

"Perfect" I smiled at him again, mostly effortlessly, Jacob's face flushed pink and bit his bottom lip. I gnawed on my thumb and watched him, my heart jumping all the while.

"I'll be back" he said with a shy smile as he exited the room; I suppressed a laugh and turned my attention towards my line of marching ants.

I'm not sure how long it had been since I had last seen Jacob but I was suspecting it was around 2:45 when he came stumbling through the door with a single weed clutched tightly in his fist, his long dark hair was tousled, sporting a grey wife-beater, black jeans completed with his cowboy boots of course, he thought those boots went with everything. He frowned at me with a smirk on his lips.

"You're still playing with your ants?" His voice was full of laughter.

I smiled and walked over to him "Aren't you early?"

He shrugged "20 or so minutes-what can I say, I was anxious" he grinned.

I raised an eyebrow. "What's with the weed?"

He gasped "Hey now, I stole this weed from central park-and it's not a weed…it's flower" he pouted "I got it for you"

I smiled at his kindness "Aw, you stole a weed for me?"

He nodded and happily gave it to me "Yep" he smiled proudly as I pushed his hair behind his ear and watched as he slowly bit down on his bottom lip once more, I felt my chest move closer to his impulsively and my breathing hitch in the back of my throat, licking my lips, I looked up at his lips which were glazed with a pink, frosty looking lip gloss.

Jacob was frozen in place but his hands somehow found my own and held onto them gently. This felt perfect, his lips were closer than before, I could feel the warmth of his breath as he slowly began rubbing the back of my hands. My heart was near stopping in this one moment when he let his arm drift around my waist, pulling me towards him and my arm hesitantly went around his neck.

He brushed the tip of his thumb over my parted lips. I pulled his head closer to mine, all but begging him to kiss me. Suddenly he pulled away, roughly, almost tossing me to the floor. I frowned deeply at his, rather rude, actions.

"What the hell Jacob?"

"oh my god Mark-I'm sorry, its just that I-"

"No, its fine…I mean I just thought-"

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be" I smiled, even though I didn't understand what he nor what I was saying, god, I felt light headed…We were so close, and he just throws me to the floor…and not in a good way.

"I should probably-"

"Okay then" I spoke quickly, wanting him to leave before it became even more awkward than it already was, thankfully he left without another word. I slid down the metal door with a long sigh, exhausted and frustrated about how things had went between us. At this point, I was pretty sure I wanted to be with Jacob. I was almost positive that I wanted to start something with him. What almost happened here, made it even more clear in my mind that I had feelings for Jacob.

This was enough sulking for one day, just as I decide to move away from the door, there came a few soft knocks. As quick as I had opened the door, someone's lips were smashing forcefully against mine, and grabbing the back of my head, fiercely running their fingers through it. I opened my mouth and gave into them with a content sigh.

This person, who I was so willing opening my mouth to, had a familiar taste buried underneath the bask of heavy alcohol. This person's body was bigger than Jacobs, I jumped back quickly after the realization that I was kissing you hit me. I pulled back and touched your cheek with the back of my hand, staring into your eyes, which were red and puffy, I clear sign that you had been crying only moments ago.

I brushed your hair back as you leaned forward and kissed my lips, your eyes staying closed longer than needed. Your face was so close to mine, I could almost feel the moisture when you licked your lips.

"Roger…what are you doing" my voice was shaking as I spoke.

You smiled cheekily at me and grabbed my waist "Kissing you"

I smacked your hands away from my waist "I don't see or hear from you in two weeks and you burst through the door kissing me…" I wondered out loud.

"I need to be with you Mark…right now" you blanketed my lips with your own as you spoke, pulling away only slightly to let your teeth graze over my bottom lip, that made nerves I didn't even know existed stand on end, "Besides" you began with a crooked smile "You weren't complaining" you dipped your head down to tug gently on my ear-lobe.

I bit down on my lip and shut my eyes tightly "God…Roger…" I felt my hands going up your back, they were controlling themselves at this point.

"Mark…" you groaned quietly as you picked me up, my legs instantaneously wrapping around your waist, your lips never leaving my neck as you moved us from the living room, to my bedroom. "Fuck…Fuck" you threw me down on my back on the bed and pulled your shirt off, your muscles, your ripped stomach, the way you were stared down at me, grabbed the side of my face, and kissed me feverously.

"Do you want me to stop, Mark?" you asked me softly, lightly touching the side of my face.

I shook my head and entwined our hands. "No"


End file.
